The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

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The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Bookwyrm » Oct 13, 2010 3:15 pm

Not far from the Monastery where those silly spoiler free twits mumble their gibberish mantras, there is a mountain. A dark, foreboding, twisted mountain that rears into the sky, its summit wreathed in terrible thunderclouds. Upon that summit there is a tower. A dark tower. A tower guarded by a moat of hydrochloric acid as well as a few Daleks and Cybermen. Inside we gather. The League of Extraordinarily Spoiled Rotten Masterminds. We are comprised of the wise and crafty hunters of spoilers, the brilliant minds who have grasped that the spoiler free lifestyle is folly and worse shall result in painful and crushing disappointment should we fail to be forewarned of perfidious changes to our beloved tale. For this reason, we ever shall be the opponents and enemies of the mumblers of pseudo-mystic chants, those who cloak themselves in ignorant bliss.

In the past there have been others like us, those who have sworn off the foolishness of the Monastery and pursued the delightful truth of the spoiled rotten lifestyle. They have passed away into memory, but are honored as bold guardians of truth. Like them, those of you who seek to join our League must swear to pursue spoilers wherever they may be found. You shall read whatever news stories you please. You shall purchase the soundtrack before seeing the movie if film scores are your thing. You shall read as many movie books as you desire. None shall hinder in any way your pursuit of the sacred beast that is the spoiler. Unless you do it illegally. Don't do that. We don't want to get sued or something. I'd have to start charging dues and evil Masterminds don't like to pay dues.

Now hear me, the Grand High Dark Overlord of the League, laugh in delight as my fellow Masterminds enter this noble tower of knowledge for mine is an evil laugh! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HA! HA! HA! HA!
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby MountainFireflower » Oct 13, 2010 4:36 pm

:)) ... wow.

Being fairly new to NarniaWeb (as of this year), I'm not sure if this is some random inside joke that I don't quite understand, but for what it's worth, I'm in! ;)
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Bookwyrm » Oct 13, 2010 4:46 pm

Greetings, my dark minion! Welcome to our Evil and Dark Lair of Forbidden Knowledge. True enlightenment lies here. You are wise to avoid the Monastery even if they haven't gotten around to opening their doors yet. Our struggle with them dates back to the distant past when the movie of LWW first loomed upon our horizons. Once I too was a member of sorts of their feeble band, but I saw the true enlightenment found in spoilers after the premiere of the PC movie. Thus I came to the decision that I should lead the current incarnation of the forces of spoilerdom with the coming of the VDT movie.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby The Rose-Tree Dryad » Oct 13, 2010 6:19 pm

I hope there shall be no efforts of the Spoiled Rotten to tempteth people over to the dark side, perhaps through nefarious methods such as free cookies and gift baskets, whilst the Monastery is not yet opened, and the prudent and pure cannot seek refuge (and coffee!) within its hallowed halls. For verily, that wouldst be a most unscrupulous act. :p
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Arwenel » Oct 13, 2010 6:44 pm

Love the opening post, Bookwyrm.

Looks like i've found the right place to hide out until VoTD comes out. I'm not a zealous spoiler-seeker, but i've read plenty of spoilery news stories, and intend to keep it up. Those silly monastery pilgrims don't know what they're missing.

Any comfy chairs hereabouts?
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But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready you see
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Bookwyrm » Oct 13, 2010 8:34 pm

And what have we here? A renegade member of the Monastery? Lost and alone, adrift in the world while the Monastery's doors remain closed. How delicious. I think I'm salivating.

BAH! Free cookies? Who does that? No talent amateurs! I would never stoop to such a thing. Instead I have the free Join the League of Extraordinarily Spoiled Rotten Masterminds Because We Have Half the World's Food Suppy all-you-can-eat buffet! 10,000 different dishes from all around the world and even the multiverse! Feast upon it as you would spoilers. Cast off your silly notions and revel in the delightful plot knowledge.

Greetings and welcome to this cheerfully dank Tower of Enlightenment, minion Arwenel! We have many comfy chairs. We borrowed them from the Spanish Inquisition. Take your rest upon them. I believe they even have soft cushions.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby MountainFireflower » Oct 13, 2010 8:42 pm

This is a brave and noble charge, Bookwyrm our leader. What sort of spoilers shall we indulge in? Each and all? Perhaps the fact that the Goldwater and Dragon islands are combined? Or the even worse fact that Jadis is making a reappearance, along with some strange green mist? And what about the MLG, Lucy and the beauty spell, the whole Dragon Eustace issue, and Caspian being present at the end of the world? Read and enjoy these spoilers, my friends, and be happy that you are kept in the dark no longer.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Glenstorm the Great » Oct 13, 2010 9:07 pm

Let the spoiler-seeking commence :ymdevil: :p
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby The Rose-Tree Dryad » Oct 13, 2010 9:57 pm

Forsooth, as I wander hungrily about the Monastery grounds and hallucinate of the fabled cappuccino maker, I must own that I am sorely tempted by such a buffet. :(( Verily, this may be mine greatest temptation yet. But in this time in which my convictions shaketh, I must call to mind the wise words of a magician who wieldeth a map with mad 3D effects: "To defeat the darkness out there, you must first defeat the darkness inside yourself." ;;)

. . . Didst a spoiler just crosseth mine lips? :-o

*Flees to the hills near the Monastery, where she frightens nearby goats with skyward cries of, "I didn't mean it!"* :-s
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Bookwyrm » Oct 13, 2010 10:31 pm

BwAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!! The temptations of the spoiler are beginning to work their charms upon the forces of the Monastery. Soon their numbers will dwindle, the Monastery fall into ruin, and even the name of their perfidious order be forgotten!

Welcome to our gathering, minion Glenstorm the Great. Less than one day into the Great Battle and our ranks number four already. Soon we shall be invincible!

Nicely done, dear minion MountainFireFlower! You are wise in the way of the spoiler already. Go forth and seek what spoilers you will. There shall be no objection from your Grand High Dark Overlord.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Aslans Country » Oct 14, 2010 4:03 am

*enters the lair with cries of "I have come home at last! This is the land I was looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now!"*

To be true, I have never mastered the full comprehension of why one would hide from the wonder that is the spoiler. For is it not true, that when one enters the theater to partake in the viewing of a Narnia picture, one is already aware of the various plot points that govern these stories, regardless of whether one has made effort to seek them out?

It may be possible, however, to make a particular exception when considering one particular movie - and perhaps conceivable to comprehend the minds of those engaged in the fruitless task of avoiding the spoiler. For it remains to be seen whether the movie known as "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" will bear any semblance to the novel of the same name. It may be that some do not wish to learn the details which are not contained in the novel, before reaching the cinema.

This being said, it occurs to me that living in the comfort of the 10,000 dish buffet is by many miles a more desirable course of action than huddling outside the doors of the closed Monastery.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Bookwyrm » Oct 14, 2010 9:39 am

I knew that installing that buffet and hijacking the entire food production of the American continent was a wise decision. BAH! I say to the Monastery and their perfidious cappuccino machine! We have pizzas as big as your house and so much more.

I was up in my office at the tippy-top of this Tower of Forbidden Enlightenment earlier today and witnessed the Pilgrims of the Middle Way assembling their camp betwixt that of our mountainous lair and the odious Monastery. Alas that they would resist the call of true spoiler enlightenment and seek only partial and incomplete knowledge. But I shall tolerate their presence for now, for better are those have partial enlightenment than those who scorn it and cower behind locked doors.
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Liberty Hoffman » Oct 14, 2010 12:08 pm

haha I am obsessed with spoilers! I did every spoiler there was for PC, but I am doing it completely and fully this time around!
No spoiler misses my gaze! no stone goes unturned! no crack unlooked over! :ymdevil: :x :ympeace: \:D/ :-bd
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby narnian_at_heart » Oct 14, 2010 12:25 pm

OK, after reading all the posts, I finally realize what this is all about. That first post totally confused me.

Anyway, yesuth ( :p ), I liketh spoilers. I do noteth like talking liketh thiseth and so am not using the "eths" correctlieth on the end of my wordseth. Forgiveth me! :p
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Liberty Hoffman » Oct 14, 2010 12:27 pm

^^ yesth, I too wasth confusedth. but I amth gladth I forgedth on andth readth theseth poststh.
letth the awesometh spoilerth gamesth beginth!!!!!
:D
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Re: The Evil and Dark Lair of the LoESRM

Postby Lady Galadriel » Oct 14, 2010 1:05 pm

*peeks in nervously upon reading and rereading the first post* @-)

Mighteth this be a tradition, which commenceth upon the approaching arrival of each Narnia movie? ;)) I am not sure.

As for the movie VDT, I am too far down the path of spoilerdom to turn back, and so I think I must resideth here.

*takes a seat in one of the comfy chairs*
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