Great response,
Aslanisthebest. I agree with everything you said.
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One more thought I had concerning it as that no one seems to be thinking about this blog post from the boys' point of view. There's an unfairness going on here in both the original blog post and the responses to it around the internet, and it's disappointing that no one seems to be noticing.
If you look at the responses to this blog, and the purity movement in general, they mostly say the same thing -- that the viewpoint it espouses is unfair to women (which it is), and that it's misogynistic (Welllll... that's what I'm about to get to).
The reasons why it is unfair towards women has already been pointed out in
Aslanisthebest's lovely post. I mean, if a girl can't even roll up her sleeves, or stretch after sitting too long, without an ideological movement calling her a temptation, you know someone's doing something wrong. And by "someone", I don't mean the girl. "Being modest" should not equal having to hide in a dark room with our arms crossed over our chests in shame as we chant the phrase, "I'm sorry I have curves. Turn away from me lest I lead you to the devil."
So, there's no question that the modern purity movement is unfair towards women. I do have reservations, however, in calling it misogynistic. By calling it misogynistic, people make it sound as if it's
only unfair towards women. It isn't. Something that's bothered me quite a lot about the modern purity movement is that it is also very unfair towards men. And there are very few people speaking up about it -- even in the groups that are dead-set against the purity movement.
The purity movement teaches that:
- The female figure has an unimaginable effect on men. So much so that it leads them to lust (or worse).
- If females show off their figures, they run the risk of being objectified, lusted after, hit on, or raped.
- Since females are both intelligent and possessing good sense and choice, they should use that good sense to make the choice of modesty, and show men their intelligence rather than their figure, while keeping themselves safe.
In other words:At worst, a woman is a temptation and/or promiscuous.
At best, a woman is modest, sensible, and intelligent.
At worst, a man is dangerous and/or a rapist.
At best, a man is carnal with very little self-control, whose Christian life depends entirely on the choices of those around him; but who might be able to view women as intelligent if they cover themselves up. Maybe.
While both of these standards are unfair... which one is moreso? Ladies, it is definitely unfair for us that this stereotype says our bodies are temptations, and that we must hide ourselves in order to be seen as intelligent, and to avoid labels of being promiscuous. But at least we get the benefit of being called intelligent at
some point!
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According to this stereotype, if a man lives a holy life, would never dream of raping anyone, does his best not to lust, and always tries to treat his female friends and family members with love and respect, then it must be because his female acquaintances dressed modestly. After all, men are so carnal and lacking in self-control, right? It must be because the women in his life made the correct choices. No credit can go to him, or (if he's a Christian) the Spirit of Christ that lives within him.
While there are plenty of people pointing out the unfairness and inaccuracy of the above standard involving women, very few are pointing out the unfairness and inaccuracy of the one involving men. And those who do usually do it from the angle of, "If you teach men they have no self-control and can't help objectifying/raping people, then they will choose to have no self control and will end up objectifying/raping people." And while it's true that some men will use this stereotype as an excuse for their sin, to say that this is always the case -- or to say that this stereotype will cause men to turn into rapists when they otherwise would not have been -- is just as absurd and unfair as the original stereotype itself. Despite what people say, there are thousands of men out there who
genuinely respect women. Not because the women they know are modest. Not because their parents sheltered them from certain things. Not because Feminism or school or society taught them that women are intelligent individuals. But because they are good men, because the Holy Spirit has made them good men. And these sorts of stereotypes are just plain libelous towards them.
I remember when certain family members, much like the mother in that article, tried to shelter me from certain things, lest those things "distract me and lead me away from the Lord." All I could think at the time was, "Do you really believe my faith to be so weak? Do you really think that, even if I
was allowed to see these things, that I would approve of them?" What my parents didn't realize was that my faith in God was in God's hands; not theirs. And the worst part of it was, when other people heard that my parents were sheltering things from me "lest I leave the faith", they would pick up on that worry, think there was some cause for it, and also start treating my faith as something easily breakable.
Ever since that mom wrote the article, she has received a
lot of criticism. But if you look at the criticism, you'll see something else there as well.
One Person Commenting wrote:This mom really dropped the ball. My letter to her, if I was still the mother of a teenage girl, would be to keep her sons away from my daughter. I wouldn't want her to ever date the kind of boy who thought girls were responsible for anything he chose to do with his own free will.
The original blog post, though I disagree with it, is a fairly normal thing you would expect an overprotective mother of boys to say.
And we can't gather anything from it as to what the boys themselves think, or how they view women, or what they would do in the presence of a woman who was dressed immodestly. I can't help but wonder if sometimes, just like I did, they think to themselves, "Do you really believe my faith to be so weak?" Because no matter what their mother says online or teaches them, if they are Christians (as the blog indicates they are), Christ is their true teacher. And the fact that now strangers everywhere are treating these boys as potential rapists, just because their mother made a blog post, is the true unfairness in this particular situation.
On another note, the original author of the blog post repented of her condescension and apologized for her post
here.
~Riella
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