Fortunately/Unfortunately

[The Rose-Tree Dryad]

Unfortunately, the person clobbers you over the head and steals your wallet before you can tell them this!

[DiGoRyKiRkE]

Fortunately, they only got away with half of your winnings, leaving you with over a million bucks.

[waggawerewolf27]

Unfortunately the tax department wants 45% of the entire lottery win.

[ramagut]

Fortunately, before the IRS could take their share, you were able to skip the country and are now relaxing on a beautiful private beach in the Caribbean.

[Ryadian]

Unfortunately, someone has found out about your past and all the people who want to find you, and he's blackmailing you.

[Meltintalle]

Fortunately, you can offer your blackmailer something they want even more than your money--a trip to a chocolate factory.

[DiGoRyKiRkE]

Unfortunately, said chocolate factory is out of business for putting rat droppings in their nougat.

[ramagut]

Fortunately, you have never eaten any of the candy from that chocolate factory.

[DiGoRyKiRkE]

Unfortunately, you cannot fulfill the blackmailer's wish, and are forced to hand over all of your money.

[Ryadian]

Fortunately, the police catch the blackmailer in the act of taking your money, and force him to give it back to you.

[DiGoRyKiRkE]

Unfortunately, they post your picture in the paper as a part of a news story, and a notorious mad villain named Empress Bianca sees you, learns of your money, and decides to kidnap you.

[Meltintalle]

Fortunately, you strike up a conversation with your kidnappers and by agreeing to join the business you avoid being turned over to Empress Bianca.

[The Rose-Tree Dryad]

Unfortunately, the group of kidnappers are already wanted by the law and you're on the run again!

[Ryadian]

Fortunately, you meet a friendly fisherman, who agrees to bring you to a nearby island where no one who's looking for you will be able to find you.

[The Rose-Tree Dryad]

Unfortunately, the island is populated with zombies.

[DiGoRyKiRkE]

Fortunately, you have a Gatling gun!