[April Fool's!] EXTRA! DISASTER STRIKES! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

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Re: EXTRA! EXTRA! DISASTER STRIKES! READ ALL ABOUT IT! EXTRA!

Postby Boo Kay Bucket » Apr 01, 2014 5:04 pm

BREAKING NEWS: DEATH TALLY RISES

NarniaWeb moderator Bookwyrm was found dead. He has been the lead suspect in the ongoing investigations since the untimely death of his sometime-sweetheart, sometime-mortal enemy, Lady Arwen. Bookwyrm, often known as Booky, was found floating face down in blue jello, having been stabbed in the back multiple times.
“This is quite the peculiar crime scene,” Sergeant Ifor Got said. “Stabbing and drowning people in blue jello were signatures of Bookwyrm. While we have not completely ruled out the thought that this might have been an effort to escape the evidence amounting against him, it is quite doubtful that he would stab himself in the back. While on first glance it does seem to be the work of The Wyrm, it is quite likely that someone else was trying to cover their own tracks.”
A note was found in one of Booky’s many half-finished manuscripts that read “I want to be stabbed at least one more time than Julius Caesar.” Forensic scriptologist Cali Grafist has confirmed that the note is an original, and not a forgery. Mulan Rouge, the lead cosmetologist in the Lipstick Cases, has her own theory.
“Both Lady Arwen and Bookwyrm’s deaths have similar elements that make me suspect that a vigilante might be responsible. Neither of the earlier murders attributed to the couple had any of their standard signatures, but that information was still being analyzed when her Ladyship passed. I’m afraid someone in the community took justice into their own hands, and that justice might have been misplaced.”
The stabbing has raised concerns in the community about how many murderers there might be floating around, and has, of course, prompted people to ask each other, “Have you heard about the stabbing?”
This is Boo Kay Bucket, reporting for DT News7.
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Re: EXTRA! EXTRA! DISASTER STRIKES! READ ALL ABOUT IT! EXTRA!

Postby Boo Kay Bucket » Apr 01, 2014 6:13 pm

BREAKING NEWS: MODERATOR POKED TO DEATH

Ramagut, NarniaWeb Moderator, Jack-Russel Terrier enthusiast and avid pin collector, was killed in a tragic accident this mortereve.
The incident happened at the local pin-factory when Ramagut was taking a tour with several other people. Her ticket stub just so happened to be chosen to receive a special tour, concluding in a free Jack-Russel Collectible Pin.
"She seemed really excited about getting that pin!" another member of the tour said, when questioned about Ramagut.
But her excitement would be short lived. After separating from her group, and waiting near the loading docks, a large shipment of pins broke free from the crane holding it. The pins were from made for the "Fifty States Pin Collection." Ramagut suffered over 1400 different puncture wounds across her body; it is not currently known whether she died from the weight of the 700 lb shipment of pins bound for Buffalo, New York crushing her, or whether her death was due to exsanguination from her multiple wounds.
What is known is that the worker who was operating the crane at the center of the accident has disappeared. The president of the pin factory said that nobody was scheduled to be working in that area today, leading some to argue that foul play was involved.
This is Boo Kay Bucket, reporting live from the scene for DT-News7.
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Re: EXTRA! EXTRA! DISASTER STRIKES! READ ALL ABOUT IT! EXTRA!

Postby Boo Kay Bucket » Apr 01, 2014 7:47 pm

BREAKING NEWS: MODERATOR DISAPPEARS INTO WARDROBE

Aslanisthebest, one of NarniaWeb's newest Moderators, has disappeared. She was last seen entering a wardrobe earlier today, and is presumed dead. Aslanisthebest had taken a special trip to the Marion E. Wade Center, where the wardrobe that inspired author C. S. Lewis is displayed. She lingered behind the group she was with and a witness said she clambered inside the wardrobe when everyone else left. "Thinking back on it, I should've said something. But hasn't everyone wanted to climb into THE wardrobe?" the witness remarked. When Aslanisthebest had not rejoined the group by the time the Center was closing, the staff investigated the wardrobe, which they said was locked from the outside and empty inside. A source close to Aslanisthebest said, "Bella was always very careful. She never would have shut herself in a wardrobe!" This is believed to be the latest work of the moderator killer and not the result of any sort of magical properties that the wardrobe may be rumoured to contain.
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Re: EXTRA! EXTRA! DISASTER STRIKES! READ ALL ABOUT IT! EXTRA!

Postby Boo Kay Bucket » Apr 01, 2014 9:52 pm

DINOSAURS FOUND IN DITTO TOWN: 1 DEAD, 100s AMAZED

MountainFireflower, recently released from the spell that held her helpless and somewhat zombified, was stepped on by a giant purple and green stegosaurus, according to witnesses. The stegosaurus then lumbered aboard a TARDIS and has not been seen since. Witnesses are currently being tested to see if they were under the influence of hallucinogenics at the time, but preliminary reports record stegosaurus tracks at the scene.
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