All About Adoption

[wolfloversk]

Hello everyone

A subject that's been of interest to me is adoption. You see, while I was not adopted myself, my mother was as a baby, and so I've always been curious as to where her/my biological family comes from (nationality, medical history, etc), but I've never really been able to pursue it since my mom doesn't really want to because she doesn't want to hurt my grandma's feelings by looking into it. I don't really want to press the issue because that is her choice, but I hope someday some avenues will open up for me that give me some of the answers I'm looking for. I'm wondering if anyone comes from a similar situation as myself.

Also maybe since I come from a family with a successful adoption story in it's near history, I've kind of kept the possibility open myself of adopting kids when the time is right. As such I'd love to hear any of these stories as well.

Maybe some questions to help people along:
-Were you or was someone close to you adopted? If so at what age?
-Would you/ have you ever been interested in knowing about your biological family?
-Have you ever adopted or fostered or have you ever considered adopting or fostering children?

-Any other information or questions you'd like to share about adoption?

Also an important note, I realize people's opinions on different parts of the subject can vary vastly (such as whether or not to pursue a search for their biological family) and not everyone came from the best of situations so please respect each other's opinions and while you are free to share what ever you'd like about your own story, please don't feel as though you have to if you don't want to.

As I've mentioned before I'm interested in knowing more about my genetic history, but legally I can't do much since I'm neither the adopted or the adopter. I'm thinking someday I may do one of those DNA test kits so I can at least get some ideas about nationality, but it's a little pricey right now. (We actually did a lab in college on genetic nationality, but the entire class' results got messed up so we never got any real answers and had to use a fake data set. I was disappointed to say the least ) I'm not sure there's much else I can do unless my mom decides to pursue it. I'm also to nervous to ask my gram, my brother, my uncle or any of my cousins about it, cuz I don't want to offend them. It took me years even work up the courage to ask my mother about it. She was really nice and patient with me at least. And she seems like she'd be open to it in the future, but she's not ready for it yet. I don't really feel the need to contact anyone either, I am just curious about nationality and family history, really XD

[waggawerewolf27]

We have a TV program called Who do you think you are? It is connected to a website called Ancestry.com, which sponsors the program. Both programs might be helpful. Mostly the TV programs discuss the backgrounds of the rich and famous, generally in UK and Australia. But it is a good program to get any discussion going, as people often tend to be curious about such matters.

Now I know what you are saying, and it is a definite problem. I agree it might be unwise to push matters too far. But it is also reasonable to research your ancestors to let your children know where you came from, especially if any medical reason for your search makes it more urgent. So any little leads you might have, save them up and follow them up later when you get the chance.

No, I haven't been adopted, though I very nearly was, according to my mother. I don't know if it is worse not being adopted, and thinking that nobody wanted me, so my parents had to put up with me, like it or not. But by the time I was in primary school I was very curious indeed about my background. And whilst there was heaps I was told on one side of the family, there still is precious little information about my father's family, especially as having progressively lost his hearing, he could be somewhat uncommunicative.

Anyway, best of luck with whatever happens.

[stargazer]

Two families I'm close to have been blessed by adoption. In both cases the kids were adopted as infants and are teenagers now.

First was a couple at church that I've known for a long time. They adopted two little girls from China. They were a little nervous around strangers at first but it didn't take long for them to warm up to us.

My brother and his wife were also unable to have children, so they adopted a boy and a girl from Korea. They live across the country so I don't see them as regularly as the other kids.

The choice to adopt internationally rather than locally is a complicated one and both families thought about it for some time before acting.

I've always considered myself open to adopting, but now I'm well past the age where that might happen.

[Shawna]

I don't think I know anyone involved in adoption personally, but I love the idea of adoption and it's definitely something I could see myself considering in the future, potentially. I use it in some of my stories, but let's face it, adoption has all kinds of interesting dramatic potential in fiction.

I did know one girl in high school who was adopted from the middle east (I want to say Syria, but I don't know if that's right) as a baby. I didn't know her well, but it didn't seem to have any real impact on her life or how she came across. I do remember her saying one time that she was talking to someone once who said they were from Lebanon, and she was like, "Oh, I'm from Syria!" and the other girl was like, "... Lebanon, Oregon." So it seems like she was excited about the prospect of meeting someone who was from the same part of the world as her, but like I said, it's not like she talked about it a lot or otherwise came across any differently than any of the other people in our class.

I definitely feel for you, wanting to know more about your genetic history. If nothing else, it's good information to have medically. I don't mean to sound morbid, but your grandma isn't going to be around forever, and maybe once she's passed, your mom will be more open to exploring it since she won't have to worry about hurting her feelings.

But just to put some things in perspective, I am fortunate to know a fair amount about my ancestry over the last few hundred years at least, on at least a couple sides of the family, and TBH what I see is a lot of grumpy, boring people who probably wouldn't have liked me much if they knew me. So... knowing your family history is not always all that great. For a lot of us, our ancestry (that we can track, anyway) doesn't have any historical figures or people who did really cool things, just a whole bunch of poor, average, grumpy people who eked out life in horrid places I'd never want to live. And since no actual stories about them got passed down, they're just empty shells with perhaps names and faces and nothing else, so not much to get excited about. (The most interesting ancestor I know of is a half-Native American fur trapper with a peg leg, and unfortunately that is almost the entirety of what we know about him.)

[starkat]

I have two cousins who are adopted. My horseback riding trainer/boss and her sister are adopted. As far as I know, none of them are really interested in finding their biological families. I do know someone who was adopted who did pursue finding her biological family. She seems quite happy in that respect.

[King_Erlian]

My sister, who is four years older than me, was adopted by my parents, because at the time, they believed they couldn't have children of their own. They told her from the very beginning that she was adopted because they didn't want to drop it on her when she became an adult. For her, it was a badge of honour - she was "chosen".

When she turned 21, she decided she wanted to find her biological family, but she talked about it with our parents first because she didn't want it to drive a wedge between them. My parents were OK with her finding out. We already knew who her biological parents had been and that they were no longer alive, but she did have older siblings. When she traced her eldest sister, she got on with her very well, and found she now had an extended family. So everything worked out well.

[Arwenel]

One of my mom's best friends adopted two children from China; she and her husband have three other, much older children. There have been some things to work through, physical and emotional, but it seems things are working out well for them on the whole.

I really want to have the opportunity to adopt and/or foster children in the future. At present, that really isn't an option.

[Shawna]

I remembered, my parents had friends when I was little who adopted three siblings, the youngest of whom was about my age. We've checked in with them over the years and... hoo-boy. That was a challenging situation. The kids were all troubled, with a family history (their birth family) of drugs, child abuse, etc. The oldest girl, in particular, had serious problems (because of the childhood abuse/trauma). The couple who adopted them were really good, patient, Christian people, and they absolutely did their best. Last I heard, things were working out okay. Not fantastic, but probably far better than they would have for those kids if this couple hadn't adopted them.

[mm1991]

My mother was adopted. She did actually find her real parents and she describes it as the worst decision she's ever made in her life. Most biological parents give up their children for a reason...if they were great, there is a good chance they wouldn't have given up the child in the first place. That's why I don't like any of those "adoption shows" on tv. A lot of biological parents don't want to be found and I think closed adoptions should be a lot more closed other than relevant medical information.

I also have a friend that was adopted. She found out her biological parents were not great either and other information she'd have rather not known. But in searching for them, she found some biological siblings. She's started up great relationships with them and for her that has made the journey worth it.