Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby IloveFauns » May 23, 2016 8:25 am

I am finding it difficult to move on. I best start by telling the whole story. Well, part of it. I met him through a friend at a games night. We soon started dating. Everything was great, we never had any fights. As embarrassing as it is to say I think I fell in love or maybe I was in love with the idea. Suddenly, one day he inboxed me (not even telling me in person) that he planned to move overseas and that we could carry on the relationship as a casual thing but he would move. To say I was shocked is an underestimate. It is very upsetting to think that "well she is alright for now". The fact that it came suddenly is what upset me the most. If I had seen it coming I could have prepared myself.
That was three weeks ago. I said there was no point continuing the relationship and I didn't want to if that is how he felt. Though those months were the happiest I have ever been in my life. Now it feels like something is missing. Like I have to keep going on. Other problems have built up aswell, I am working around 50 hour weeks. This is two jobs which add up to 20 hours and 30 hours of classes, study and assignments. A sibling has had a breakdown and my health isn't great. Ever since I got salmonella poisoning earlier this year I have had trouble with acid reflux which has contributed to the development of ulcers in my mouth. To add this on going issue with Identity theft. So someone has started a phone contract under my name using my license (which i can't think how they got since my license is always on me).

The Build up of all these problems has made dealing with the first situation I mentioned harder. Does anyone have any ideas of how to cope? get through and move on?
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby waggawerewolf27 » Jun 06, 2016 4:45 am

Too many problems all at once. I'd have liked to help sooner, if I could, but haven't been well, myself, especially last month when there was so many burn-offs, which left me barely able to breathe. And so I simply didn't notice this thread, just running on automatic much of the time. Firstly the identity fraud is important, especially if it involves your licence, your bank accounts and phone. Can you go to your motor registry - it is the RMS in NSW - and ask what can be done about identity theft? It may mean reissuing your licence. And they may advise you what else can be done about your situation with the false phone contract. Your own phone provider is also the one you need to see and they may be able to advise what to do. Plus the bank may help.

You need time to yourself to relax and unwind above all. Some things that help for me include prayer, just to get things off my chest, and to feel there is someone who cares. That doesn't have to be in a special room or anything, just to get alone with myself, for a few minutes. I used to do a lot of praying when driving, in fact I still do, and I can't even close my eyes to do that, even when stationary at traffic lights. Sometimes the traffic demands it, anyway, and it terrifies me to have my husband as passenger, when I am all too aware of what he is likely thinking, even when he is kind enough to shut up. The trouble is with being married is being told far too much, usually at the wrong time and place. And that nobody seems to believe that men can also be backseat drivers.

But then maybe meditation of some sort may be a more congenial way to help you. Or deep breathing exercises which might help anyone with asthma, at any rate. I used to get involved in a book when I was younger, as an escape from troubles. But at the moment I think you may have enough books, that are not at all relaxing, to read as part of your studies .

Above all, it is important to get enough sleep. 50 hour weeks is just a lot of work, and it may not leave you much time for recreation. It can be dangerous to burn the candle at both ends. That can aggravate any ill health you may have. My daughter once had to complete a major assignment and sat up all night drinking coffee after coffee to keep herself awake. And then she threw up all over the assignment, and had to print it off the computer all over again. I suppose it was just as well she was still at home when that happened, so we were able to be of some assistance, so that she didn't have to drive to university that day, or back home, again. It is now near the end of the 1st semester of the year, now it is June, so you will get some respite. How much further to the end of your studies? And are you studying part-time or full-time as well as the work?

How did you get the salmonella poisoning? That is serious and the doctor should be helping you with the acid reflux as well. It is sad about the boyfriend but something like that also happened to my daughter. They were both at university and he got into a different crowd, whereas, like yourself, my daughter worked her way through university and was often too busy to socialise much. I hope you find someone else who is somewhat more trustworthy to be friends with. Again I wish I could be of more help. All the best, and I hope things go well for you.
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby mm1991 » Dec 22, 2016 7:48 pm

Warrior 4 Jesus wrote:
waggawerewolf27 wrote:Sorry, I don't agree that divorce is necessarily a bad thing, if it resolves a bad situation. My parents split up when I was a child of four, when I, too, was put into homes etc, though I've no idea if they, too, would be investigated by the Royal Commission I mentioned, since they have been closed down long ago. My parents never got a divorce, and stayed formally separated for over thirty years when my father died. They communicated through lawyers, they lived separate lives, except for the maintenance my father paid my mother, and even when I went to regular schools, there were custody and access issues all the time, which they had both got into the habit of insisting on, long after I had left home and had my own family.


Divorce is a very bad and very serious thing. I never said there weren't grounds for divorce. I mentioned that there are some biblical grounds for it, but not many. You and I both know that marriage shouldn't be rushed into, nor should it be treated lightly.


I know this conversation is very old now! But I would just like to add, I also don't think divorce is this super evil bad thing that a lot of people like to make it out to be.

Of course I don't think it's the most ideal situation. But life doesn't always go in our most ideal path. Mistakes are sometimes made. They are also *a lot* of disturbed people in this world. A family friend (this situation was very long ago, like decades ago) got married to a man she had been dating for nearly ten years. He was sweet and polite the entire decade. The moment they were on their honeymoon, he struck her for the first time and basically told her this was the way things were going to be like from now on. She endured this man for a year before calling it quits.

I share that story just to emphasize how sometimes, even if you don't rush and feel like you really know a person and are making the right decision, there are some people who will never show you their true colors until they feel the time is right.....whenever that time may be. Nothing she did was wrong, it was everything to do with him being a disturbing, psychotic guy. I do think part of the rise of divorces has to do with abused spouses (both men and women) being both legally able and more confident of getting a divorce rather than just being forced to grin and bear it, so to speak. I think there would have been a lot more divorces in the older days if laws reflected the well-being of spouses like it does now.

I'd much rather a person be divorced than for someone to be living a miserable life and feel trapped. I do think couples should do everything in their power to keep the marriage alive. But 1) it takes two people who both want the marriage to work for it to last, 2) Violence, which is very common, should never be tolerated in any situation, 3) People are only human and make mistakes, just like any other situation in live, 4) Divorce can be a great thing, considering the circumstances.
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby waggawerewolf27 » Dec 25, 2016 1:33 am

mm1991 wrote:I think there would have been a lot more divorces in the older days if laws reflected the well-being of spouses like it does now.


You could be right. In the past, in much of Western society, not only elsewhere, marriage laws were more to do with other matters than "romance" as it is today. During Roman times, women were often considered mainly property of their husbands, and a means to an end, eg a way to cement alliances, augment fortunes and, hopefully, to produce heirs. Women were considerably less able to read and write, and were expected to learn from home how to run a household and nothing else.

I've read that, though Roman marital relations were almost obligatory, they were considered not quite nice, unlike romance outside of marriage - at least for men. Women were barred from some activities, to the extent that the Roman senate would prefer that women remained untaxed than have women speak publicly and be able to vote. And in Athens, in the cradle of Democracy, Pericles averred that “A woman’s reputation is highest when men say little about her, whether it be good or evil.”[Thucydides 2:45:2]. So when St Paul said, "I suffer not women to teach", in the Bible, he was also warning his contemporaries that to allow women to do so would expose them to breaking Roman law and consequent persecution.

Despite today's feminist theological views of both Sts Peter and Paul, if you read in Timothy and in 1 Peter to any extent, both apostles did try to get their male adherents to be less harsh with women, to get men to love their wives, and to get both partners to respect each other, both partners being "heirs to life". And Jesus, Himself, also said that "Moses allowed divorce for the hardness of your hearts", being well aware of the divorce merry-go-round, where women were discarded if they were infertile, ill, or simply "out of fashion" with their husbands.

Thus, women's rights progressed at snail's pace until the dawn of the Twentieth Century, when, from 1895 onwards, women got the vote, and the chance to stand in parliament, in many Western societies, not only in places like South Australia. Even today, in some parts of the world, girls do not get the same encouragement to get education and are still treated as "property" rather than as equal partners in marriage.

In your opinion, would that sort of attitude, that men "own" their wives, perhaps, be also a reason why that relationship you mentioned would founder so soon after marriage, despite the length of time the couple spent together beforehand?
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby RubyGamgee » Jan 10, 2017 9:53 am

IloveFauns wrote:The Build up of all these problems has made dealing with the first situation I mentioned harder. Does anyone have any ideas of how to cope? get through and move on?


IloveFauns, from the previous posts it sounds like you have already received a lot of good advice. I would say the very first thing you need to do is eliminate stress from your life. It might feel right now that you have too many obligations, jobs, and commitments and you can't juggle them all but you also can't drop any of them. But it sounds to me like you need to drop something. Cut back on your work hours, maybe even quit one of your jobs if possible.

You need to give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally, and that should be your first priority. If you have other plans or obligations, well maybe this would be a good time to put those on hold for a while.

As for recovering from a break-up, especially one that kind of blind-sided you, all I can say is to give it time. It's going to hurt for a while and that's unfortunately the sad reality of relationships that fall through. In the meantime, make sure you take care of yourself physically.

My response to these kinds of circumstances is to 1) pray and ask God for help while making sure I am trusting HIM with this situation 2) read God's Word, the Bible, and remind myself that my identity is secure in Jesus Christ and not in anyone or anything else 3) go to worship and hear God's truth preached 4) fellowship and spend time with God's people, the church, to gain encouragement 5) talk to a trusted friend or mentor about what I am going through and gain some wisdom and encouragement from them.

Other practical remedies include 1) drinking lots of hot herbal tea 2) listening to music 3) going for long walks / exercising 4) journaling and writing down all of your feelings and thought-processes in a diary.

I hope this was helpful. You will definitely be in my prayers and thoughts and I hope things are starting to look up and you are feeling better!! *hugs*

Ruby xoxo @};-
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby Pattertwigs Pal » Feb 17, 2017 5:46 pm

I have been thinking about marriage proposals off and on for a while. Not because I have any hope of ever getting one (never been on a date and know very few single men) but because of their prominence in media. Jane Austen writes some disagreeable (and thus unaccepted) proposals in Pride and Prejudice. I read a news story in the paper where a man called his girlfriend and said his car had broken down. He knew she would speed to come pick him up so he enlisted the police to pull her over so he could propose. I've seen people hold up signs (one letter each) at a parade. I thought this would be an interesting topic to discuss. What do you think about public proposals? What kind of proposal would you like / did you get? Should proposals be recorded? Is elaborate or simple better?

This is purely academic for me but I do know that if a man every tries to propose to me in a public way I will NOT be saying yes or at the very least I will be saying No later. I don't like being put on the spot and am often uncomfortable in groups. I believe proposals should be intimate and private. I don't think public proposals are fair because they put the person being asked on the spot. There is a lot of pressure from the audience to say "Yes." Not to mention that the person doing the asking will be very embarrassed if the answer is "No."

I came across this article and video.
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby ValiantArcher » Feb 17, 2017 10:35 pm

I have similar thoughts to you, Twig's. I could foresee a slight caveat, though, in that if the couple (as they hopefully have?) has talked about their desire to get married and the girl would like a big, public proposal, then a big, public proposal probably wouldn't have the pressure you talked about and would be quite special. But I do think big, public proposals do have the pressure you mentioned, so...

As far as recording goes, I know at least two couples that photographed their proposals. I believe in the one instance, the guy was a photographer and set up a camera to automatically take photos from a far enough distance that the girl didn't see it. In the other, the girl was out with a friend who was doing a trial run with the camera when they "ran into" the guy; the friend (being in the know) stepped back a bit and photographed it. In both cases, I think those worked pretty well and there were some nice photos. In general, though, I think it would be hard to record the proposal without giving the surprise away. ;))

I kind of understand the idea of having an elaborate proposal that is tailor-made for the girl/the couple. However, if the proposal starts getting too elaborate, the same pressure possible in a public proposal can also potentially occur here. And, at the same time, I don't get it: what's wrong with one person just asking the other straight-out?
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Re: Wuv, Twue Wuv -- and Mawwiage!

Postby The Rose-Tree Dryad » Mar 05, 2017 6:34 pm

That's an interesting question, Twigs! I've never given much thought to what I would like, aside from perhaps being out in nature, but I've seen those viral videos of very elaborate, public, flash mob proposals and have always thought that it would not be a very good way to propose to me, but it would be a very memorable way to break up with me. :)) For some couples I'm sure it's the perfect way to propose, but it wouldn't suit me.

The video you linked got a laugh out of me. I do look at "social media proposals" with a slightly cynical eye, wondering how much of it is a performance for the audience. That said, last week a YouTuber I follow (some might recognize him from Blimey Cow) uploaded a video of his proposal to his girlfriend. It surprised me a little because I would have thought he'd want to keep that sort of thing more personal and he doesn't really make videos based on what is likely to go viral, but the video was actually well done and I could understand why he felt comfortable sharing it online. It showed the story (which was cute and personal without being a big show), but you didn't hear what he said to her when he proposed. It was a way of sharing the proposal with his family, friends, and online community while still preserving some degree of privacy. So I thought that was a nice compromise for people who have a social media presence.

(I also noticed that, in the comments, he said he was hoping the video got enough views so he could rent the venue he wanted for the wedding, so I guess uploading the video may have been motivated by money to some degree. :P)
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